Brian Sell Out at Hansons; Acosta Wants Spot on Indoor DMR, New CEO Named at USATF Headquarters
Brian Sell is on the lookout for new sponsors. Reportedly, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Budweiser have thrown lucrative contracts his way.
An otherwise normal Friday afternoon in the running world was turned upside down as the Two Angry Runners wire services picked up some major stories in the professional and collegiate ranks. In Rochester Hills, Michigan, Brian Sell’s career with Hansons-Brooks may be over after some post-Olympic attitude changes. Additionally, the wires were abuzz with news of a new world best in the beer mile in Oregon as well as a major announcement from the USATF Executive Office.
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Brian Sell Booted from Hansons-Running Group, Allegedly “Not Blue Collar Enough”
With much disappointment, Keith and Kevin Hanson, owners of the Hanson’s Running Shops, announced Friday that they have dropped Brian Sell from the Hansons-Brooks running team. “Since getting back from the Olympics, Brian just hasn’t been blue collar enough,” Keith Hanson said.
According to teammates, Sell’s mileage totals had fallen from 160-170 a week pre-Beijing to a measly 120-130 after the Olympics. “His lack of effort disgusts me,” former teammate Chad Johnson said.
“We always knew it was a risk taking him on because of the impressive credentials he accumulated before joining the group,” Kevin said. “From now on we won’t take anyone who broke 2:05 for 800 meters in high school – too much ego with guys faster than that. We wish Brian the best in his future career at Home Depot.”
The Hanson brothers added that their plans for 2009 remain the same even without Sell. “We are hoping to bring in five more guys from obscure colleges who after about four years of high mileage have, at best, 2:16 potential. We want four of the top six finishers at this year’s Baltimore and Detroit Marathons.”
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AJ Acosta was clearly spent when he crossed the line Thursday night. Between burps he demanded respect from the Oregon coaching staff.
Acosta Runs World Best in Beer Mile, Demands Place on Oregon Indoor Distance Medley Relay.
Almost 175 undergraduates witnessed history late Thursday night at Hayward Field, cheering their undergraduate classmate A.J. Acosta to a 2009 world best in the beer mile.
“I’m not much of a flat runner or a hurdler, but if you throw beer in the mix, I am virtually unstoppable,” Acosta said between burps. Alone from the front, the redshirt junior ran astounding splits of 17/63, 21/64, 20/64 25/59 on his way to a 5:33 full mile.
With three teammates already under 4:00 in the mile this year, Acosta has his work cut out for him if he wants to achieve his stated goal of making the Ducks’ NCAA Indoor distance medley relay team. “Listen, the other guys are running great, no doubt,” Acosta said. “But I just set a world best. W-U-R-L-D [sic] World best. I think that earns me an auto-qualifier. Without the beer, I can run at least a minute faster.”
Duck Coach Vin Lananna was asleep and not available for post-race comments.
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Chelsey "Sully" Sullenberger has been tasked with righting the sinking ship that is American Track and Field.
Doug Logan Out as USATF CEO, Chelsey B. “Sully” Sullenberger Named Replacement
In a press release that sent shockwaves through the track world Friday, the United States Track and Field Association announced that Chelsey B. “Sully” Sullenberger will replace Doug Logan as CEO, effective immediately.
The press release read in part, “The USATF felt it was necessary to ‘make a splash’ in the sports world. While Mr. Logan has been a fine leader, we felt that given the state of our sport, we needed someone who had experience piloting a sinking ship. Mr. Sullenberger showed extraordinary grace under pressure on US Airways Flight 1549 and we feel he is just the man for the job.”
Over the previous few weeks Mr. Logan had grown increasingly frustrated with his Project 30 Task Force. The final blow came when its release was met by an audience of crickets in the sports world. “He worked tirelessly on the project and viewed it as his seminal work as CEO,” said an assistant who only spoke on the basis of anonymity. “He was very angry its merits weren’t debated on PTI.” Logan has allegedly told those close to him that he is retiring from the sports executive field and is now pursuing other career avenues. When asked to specify, insiders said, “He is preparing a move to NYC to play the role of Dilbert’s father in an off-Broadway production of the new musical ‘Dilbert.’”
