Anna Willard Outsearches, Outeats Competition at Inaugural Mammoth Lakes Easter Egg Hunt
Anna Willard crushed the competition, literally, at the Inaugural Mammoth Easter Egg Hunt.
Mammoth Track Club’s newest member, Anna Willard, made her arrival known throughout the community Sunday as she beat out fellow teammates, their spouses, children, pets and local wildlife in the inaugural Mammoth Lakes Easter Egg Hunt Competition. The hunt, which follows the rules and objectives of the well-known childhood tradition, but at smashmouth pace, is a new addition to the quiet, insular Mammoth Lakes community.
With many of his athletes on the cusp of elite competitions, Coach Terrence Mahon thought the Easter Egg Hunt would be a good team-bonding experience and a pressure reliever. “I thought with Anna joining the squad, it would be a good meet-and-greet type thing. And with Ryan understandably stressed ahead of Boston, we thought it would be a fun outing. Boy, was I wrong.” What happened next is subject to dispute, but many witnesses agree Anna conducted a General Sherman-esque campaign, fiercely outworking her teammates and others to claim a vast majority of the scattered Easter eggs. Outside her wide swath of destruction lay dozens of tin foil chocolate wrappers, weeping children, injured teammates and smoted wildlife.
“I don’t know what got in to me,” Anna explained to WKRC-Mammoth late on Easter Sunday. “I’ve always been a fierce competitor, and I guess maybe I wanted to impress my new teammates. Also, I really, really love chocolate Easter bunnies and other Easter-themed sweets – basically, any holiday-themed dessert or treat. Okay, anything fattening and bad for you that’s dressed up in tinfoil or colorful wrapping.”
The hunt took place along the famous “Little Antelope” route, a challenging run that the team often uses for long runs. “Looking back, yeah I can see that the physical demands of such a course put the children and wildlife at a disadvantage. Those hounds have such highly sensitive noses I thought it would be an equalizer,” explained a remorseful Mahon. When Mahon sounded the starting kazoo at 10 a.m., the hunters took off in search for the carefully hidden eggs along the trails. The children were quickly tuckered after running nearly a mile to find the first set of treats, and many were soon taken to local hospitals with symptoms of altitude sickness.
Anna Willard celebrating her win.
By 11 a.m., however, after covering nearly 10 miles in a circuitous root throughout Mammoth, Willard had collected nearly two dozen plastic eggs filled with chocolate, jelly beans and loose change. Outfitted in typical Sunday running gear, Willard stood out because her pink, spiky hair was gelled up into crude bunny ears. Stuck to her backside were a handful of hot glued cotton balls. Many ski-bum spectators could be overheard commenting on her appearance as “demonic” and “very pouch-like around the tummy.”
While teammates Deena Kastor and Ryan Hall stayed energized through regularly-timed packets of GU, Willard used an almost inhuman intake of chocolate and sugar as fuel. “She looked like Augustus Gloop from Willie Wonka & The Chocolate Factory,” Hall later remarked. Despite accumulating 35 eggs along the 22-mile run, Willard’s pace and focus remained steady – at one point, even fending off a cluster of pine martens who had spotted a pink plastic egg behind a tree.
Much like her 2004 Olympic Bronze medal performance, Kastor kept plugging away at Willard’s lead as the run went on and by the end she had unexpectedly pulled even with the young steepler. “Luckily, Coach Mahon had filled a few of the eggs with granola, gift certificates to The Pampered Chef and the Looney Bean Coffee shop,” Kastor noted. “Anna clearly had no interest in these, so I was able to scoop them up surreptitiously.” As she approached the final stretch of the course, Kastor spotted the last egg around 300m off the trail, and her competitive and motherly instincts kicked in. “I wanted to win, yes, but I was also very concerned about Anna’s caloric intake.”
As Kastor zeroed in on the pink-hued egg, Willard was charging up Little Antelope Valley after detouring to mistakenly eat some Robin’s eggs that she thought were the candy-shelled chocolates of the same name. With Kastor leading slightly into the final 50m, Willard steepled over a log and viciously tackled the marathoner, sending her sprawling across the pine-needled floor and separating her right shoulder. With Kastor screaming in agony, Willard eased into the finish, smiled for the Mammoth Times and exclaimed, “It’s all mine. The chocolate is all mine!” as she devoured her ninth Reese’s Peanut Butter cup.
Asked whether he considered the event a success, Coach Mahon demurred. “Like I say, athletes are individuals and what’s good for one is not necessarily right for another. Maybe next year I’ll fill more of the eggs with leafy greens. I’ve been meaning to talk to Anna about her diet. Also, Andrew Kastor punched out Jon Pierce after he saw Anna tackle Deena. That’s going to be talking point numero uno at next week’s team meeting.”