New “Bolt Bong” Promises to Get Marijuana Users High in World Record Time
Jamaican entrepreneurs are capitalizing on World Record holder Usain Bolt any way they can. Unfortunately, they have yet to find a way to teach white people his dance moves.
Capitalizing on the recent marijuana controversy surrounding Jamaican track hero Usain Bolt, longtime Kingston entrepreneur Montez Lewis has invented the new “Bolt Bong,” a revolutionary design which promises users will get high in world record time.
“None rudeboy cyaan tes da Bolt Bong,” Lewis told High Times magazine Thursday. “Ain’t no badda bong on dis island. Dem Amstadahm bumbo clots can’t tell me nothin. Dis da Don Dadda.”
, getting users high in less time than Bolt or his Jamaican teammates can cover the respective distances. “Dis is da THG of THC, ‘cept out ‘ere dere ain’t no drug test boyz,” said Lewis, the self-proclaimed “Mr. Mention” of the Grants Pen neighborhood.
Unlike many who have been shocked by the recent developments, Lewis said he was not surprised to hear Bolt had used marijuana as a youngster. In fact, Lewis even claimed to have sold Bolt his first bag in the summer of 2003 after the Jamaican won the World Youth Championship 200m title. “I ‘member hearin bout dis tall winjy boy who could really zip on da track and in da club. One night, I wuz standin with the soundboy and Usain come look for da boy. He knew I wuz a higgler and had dat corn.” Bolt bought 100 Jamaican dollars worth and took off celebrating.
According to Lewis, the bongs will be sold at this year’s Penn Relays behind the homestretch stands and online via his website at BoltBong.com. For an extra $50, consumers can purchase a collector’s edition “Beijing 2008 Triple Threat” which includes a tester bag of lambsread and a velvet protective sock that can also be used in one’s spandex to mirror Bolt’s tremendous bulge.
Asked if he’d sent out any prototypes to establish a buzz around the island, Lewis said, “No Jamaican need no extra buzz, but I done I sent da first one ta da boy Usain as a tank you. Da second one went ta Assafa Powell cuz dat damn lagga head need ta ease up.”