President Obama Calls on Larry Rawson to Resign, Cites Torturous Announcing
Larry Rawson has faced adversity before, but never from the likes of the most powerful man in the world, President Barack Obama.
In a press conference from the White House Rose Garden, President Obama used his harshest language yet to denounce Larry Rawson’s torturous broadcasts, most recently on display in April’s Boston Marathon.
“We are a nation of laws and exciting commentators,” President Obama said. “We do not and should not torture track fans with worn out metaphors and poorly researched statistics. This affront to our values and color commentary will not stand. I call on Larry Rawson to resign immediately and I am initiating a Truth Commission to look into the blabbering inaccurate statements made by Mr. Rawson during recent telecasts.”
Fans of track and field have often described Larry Rawson’s broadcasts as torture, but the Obama administration has previously called the broadcasts “enhanced commentary techniques.” In February 2009, a damning report by the International Red Cross was leaked to Doug Logan’s Shin Splints blog, documenting the use of tortured analogies in over 30 marathons since 1986. “Over one dozen track fans who tuned into the 2008 Olympic Marathon Trials were subjected to a brutally oversimplified analysis of race strategy. The repetition of meaningless facts, such as the weight of racing flats as compared to a slice of bread, have worn down track fans to the point of dementia. These broadcast techniques are ineffectual and run counter to the great tradition of sports broadcasters in the United States, like Marv Albert and Charles Barkley.”
In his Presidential Election bid, Obama frequently campaigned for change in track and field announcing. At the 2008 University of Oregon Invite, Obama gave a stirring speech, calling on all track fans to unite against Rawson. “This isn’t a partisan issue. This is something that can bring all of us together. There’s not happy fans of track and there’s not sad fans of track – there’s the united angry fans of track and field. We are one group, all of us pledging hate toward Larry Rawson, all of us defending track and field to mainstream sport fans.”
Long before Obama was even pondering a career in politics, Rawson was dreaming about calling suspense-filled races with his monotone vocals. In previous interviews, Rawson traced his much maligned love affair with track and field broadcasting to 1954, when he heard the famous John Landy and Roger Bannister “Miracle Mile” via radio from his home in New England. He went to have a heralded track career at Boston College around the same time of the United States and Cuba trade embargo and began commentating professionally in the 1970s. Over the past decade, however, Rawson has been suffering from dementia-like symptoms frequently misstating facts, confusing winners and exceedingly focusing his insight on leg turnover. Rawson even recently admitted his own disgust with his broadcast of this past month’s Boston Marathon. “I confused the Kenyan women’s winner for an Ethiopian,” Rawson continued, “that’s like confusing me for Dwight Stones. Oh wait, no it’s not, we’re both universally hated.”
Despite his struggles of late, Rawson stands by his controversial announcing career. “Announcing is hard work. Just try going down to your local high school and blathering on for two hours while people run around. That’s what I have to do twice every year!”